You can't take nothing from me. As the tears pour down my face my stomach turns at the thought of ever losing my family. Throughout the years of my life I have lived carelessly. Endangering my life, my reckless mind state, could have never prepared me for the feelings I have in my heart. Life never felt so real until Nov 27, 2007, when Bianca Bougere was born. I was admitted into the hospital shortly after my water broke. They induced my labor and the morning of Nov. 27th they had me pushing for over 6 hours. I felt something was wrong and with the inability to feel my legs and thighs but all of the pressure of bianca going the wrong way. I begged for a doctor to check me out and then they realized she was stuck in my pelvis during the contractions. They rush me to the operating room where they had to perform an emergency c-section. As the anesthesiologist already messed up my epidural they had to put me under because I could feel the incision. I finally wake up and slowly get to meet my angel Bianca Richelle Bougere, as I look at her my family explains her dis figuration. Her face paralyzed her ears bent her skull smashed in I feared for her life. Drugged up the doctors try to talk quickly and compassion less, and inform me that my daughter might not ever be able to hear or see and be paralyzed for life. I cried in richs arms because I couldn't understand what I had done wrong in my life to have my child unhealthy. But God showed me his truth and His light. We exited the hospital 4 days later and she was able to see and hear. Eventually the paralysis wore off and the God in her shined through very quickly. A week after being released from the hospital, I started to notice that my body wouldn't stop shaking. I went into the hospital and the doctors immediately noticed something was wrong. My heart rate was the same as my daughters 150, for an adult that was dangerously high. Overworked and overgrown my heart became and they had to shut it down before it gave out on me. They gave me a shot and within that instant I cried I was dying my heart wasn't pumping I couldn't breather my eyesight became blurred I felt it all coming to an end. But that wasn't all God had for me, my journey had just began to take me from this earth. My heart restarted and dropped to 120 still dangerously high, they knew my chances were better, because of the rate dropped. Within the next several months I met with numerous doctors, had heart surgery, that never cured my heart disease, and took many meds. Two years later I am still alive after facing death repeatedly my life and everyone I care about, finally made sense. Lifes meaning was so apparent I feared riding in the car because life could be so easily taken I didn't want to risk it. I wrote this with two things on my mind, life and the people you cherish most, never take them for granted, nothing is ever promised, but our faith in God always keeps us in his favor. Never give up for you don't know what God has in store for us. Don't forget to appreciate your life,no matter what hand you were dealt, God would never give you more then you could ever handle
Friday, November 27, 2009
You can't take nothing from me. As the tears pour down my face my stomach turns at the thought of ever losing my family. Throughout the years of my life I have lived carelessly. Endangering my life, my reckless mind state, could have never prepared me for the feelings I have in my heart. Life never felt so real until Nov 27, 2007, when Bianca Bougere was born. I was admitted into the hospital shortly after my water broke. They induced my labor and the morning of Nov. 27th they had me pushing for over 6 hours. I felt something was wrong and with the inability to feel my legs and thighs but all of the pressure of bianca going the wrong way. I begged for a doctor to check me out and then they realized she was stuck in my pelvis during the contractions. They rush me to the operating room where they had to perform an emergency c-section. As the anesthesiologist already messed up my epidural they had to put me under because I could feel the incision. I finally wake up and slowly get to meet my angel Bianca Richelle Bougere, as I look at her my family explains her dis figuration. Her face paralyzed her ears bent her skull smashed in I feared for her life. Drugged up the doctors try to talk quickly and compassion less, and inform me that my daughter might not ever be able to hear or see and be paralyzed for life. I cried in richs arms because I couldn't understand what I had done wrong in my life to have my child unhealthy. But God showed me his truth and His light. We exited the hospital 4 days later and she was able to see and hear. Eventually the paralysis wore off and the God in her shined through very quickly. A week after being released from the hospital, I started to notice that my body wouldn't stop shaking. I went into the hospital and the doctors immediately noticed something was wrong. My heart rate was the same as my daughters 150, for an adult that was dangerously high. Overworked and overgrown my heart became and they had to shut it down before it gave out on me. They gave me a shot and within that instant I cried I was dying my heart wasn't pumping I couldn't breather my eyesight became blurred I felt it all coming to an end. But that wasn't all God had for me, my journey had just began to take me from this earth. My heart restarted and dropped to 120 still dangerously high, they knew my chances were better, because of the rate dropped. Within the next several months I met with numerous doctors, had heart surgery, that never cured my heart disease, and took many meds. Two years later I am still alive after facing death repeatedly my life and everyone I care about, finally made sense. Lifes meaning was so apparent I feared riding in the car because life could be so easily taken I didn't want to risk it. I wrote this with two things on my mind, life and the people you cherish most, never take them for granted, nothing is ever promised, but our faith in God always keeps us in his favor. Never give up for you don't know what God has in store for us. Don't forget to appreciate your life,no matter what hand you were dealt, God would never give you more then you could ever handle
Thursday, October 22, 2009
WHY WOULD I LIE?
SO for some time now i have been dealing with the music industry. I have seen every side of it and realized that 90% of the people in front of the camera and behind it, arent putting their blood, sweat, and tears into their work. I have been plotting and plotting on ways, to do my part and bring up the Bay Area entertainment scene, and if you know me or have read my previous blogs, i have bounced from job to job and found my fit in the music industry. But as i bounced around, i have seen many people come and go, be the hottest thing smoking to frostbite dead cold, and wondered how did that happen?
In life there are the "have and have not" people, and then then the "i dont give a fuck if i have it or not, im going to get it," people. It has taken me a long time to see, who is really about that action and the real, and out of everyone i have came across its only been a few that have been true to their word. People in my own family, have failed to prove to me that their "dreams/aspirations/goals" are even reachable. I have ran across so many producers, that ive never heard their work that wanted to charge me more then $1 for there music, and you know what i did, i gave them the deuces. First of all who are you and what significant thing have you done to make me spend money on u where i can go to the proven producers such as Danimals, Rick Rock, Ea Ski, droop e, traxamilion... Like where did that audacity come from. Or the many artist that i have worked with or met that wanted me to get them paid shows, like hello are you serious my biggest client/success is Big Rich, why should you get paid and youve never been to KMEL or KBMB, um who are you again? Like people i cant get you paid if no one is requesting to spend there money with you. I am not a grant recipient thats handing out Free money to the starving artist.. Or how about the models, that want to get paid for their 1st amature video/photo shoot/any gig, must i even start stating the facts about height requirements, or if your an urban model body preferences?? Like who are you in general to be demanding anything, but moreover, who am i to be making all of these demands, i mean why are you listening to me in the first place. Like many people say "im real, or im as real as they come," but honestly, i have walked down the wrong path in life, i have made some very questionable aka bad decisions, i think almost all wrong ones, so i think now i can tell the difference between wrong and right. I have decided that theres only 1 way of going about life, and thats by "ALWAYS ALWAYS DOING THE RIGHT THING." Im not saying im perfect, because i still lie guilty in the way i go about my life like making sure my daughter goes outside to play everyday for at least one hour, or making sure i fold the clothes after they come out of the washer, or drinking more water then juice and soda everyday. But im trying to do better with those things and it takes time, but im dedicated to changing those bad habits. But many people i come across these days, are confused. Like how do you ever expect me to go out of my way to make something possible for you, for free? Like how do you expect me to take time out of my clients day to use their hard earned money for someone who has no interest in giving me a percentage of their check or a monthly payment. Thats bananas! If i am a dj im not going to accpet eveyones cd and play it right there on the spot because they say its good, if i did that then theres a strong possibility that i will clear the dance floor and possibly never get hired by that promoter/vendor again. As a record company co-owner, if we accepted every artist onto the label we would be bankrupt, trying to support everyone with a dreams, dream. So as a dj, radio/tv pd, record label executive, manager, producer, photographer, videographer, engineer, publicist, assistant, artist (with a real dedication), if we accepted everyones request we would all be literally dead and gone, because there would be no progress, no money, no fans to support us.
I cant express how serious this is. If you arent putting forth 25 hours a day 8 days a week, YOU WILL NEVER BE SUCCESSFUL AT ANYTHING. I swear to God, Rich and I breathe, sleep, eat, think, drink, our careers. If we dont then who will be thinking of all of these ideas opportunities. Now dont get me wrong i can only speak for me and Rich, because he explained the value of living what you want, i used to hope and pray, that my success would fall out of heaven into my lap, and the next scene im walking the red carpet as the cameras flash. But thats not how life works for ANYONE. No mater how easy you think someones ride to the top was or is, it was never that easy. Some people can make it the expressway because they came up with a great gimmick, a get fame quick scheme, but for those who will truly live off of their success, that takes hard work and complete dedication, a fatal attraction to your goal, in order to truly make it. So if your dream is to make it and your broke, you better find a hustle that will make u some quick money and put it towards your career, because you need it. And i strongly suggest that you be 1000% legit and legal because anything done in the dark will eventually come to light one day. And to those of you who have some money to spend stop being stingy, because whatever you do comes back to you and just as much as you put in is what you will get back in the end.
As i conclude in my rant, i just want you to understand, im not saying pay me hire me, to run your business, because most of you wont be able to work with me because i cant stand bullshit and i say shit i probably shouldn't have said. I have lost so many friends and acquaintances because i spoke about shit that i wasnt supposed to say. So all im saying is, spend your money on yourself, but when i say that i dont mean, go buy yourself something nice, im saying go invest in your career, go buy some dope ass beats from a hardworking producer like the ones i have stated above, go record in a well put together studio, go hire, a great manager that has a proven record, and give them 20%, go hire my production team and photographer, because they have invested $1000's into their careers, go hire a dope ass publicist that believes in your work and sees a future in your career, and knows they can maximize your potential, because of who they know + your talent, not because your money can buy the add space. Im trying to enlighten the people, like i stated on twitter before, "God didn't give me a voice to mislead his people." He gave me a second chance at life and told me to make things better. So sorry in advance to the people who think im too mean, or giving up too much information, im just doing as i was told. I refuse to purposely mislead those who want to follow and learn the way. I will never operate any business i do or work with any people who will abuse their power. I believe in making things better, its depressing to see the Bay Area's state of hip hop, r & b, modeling, producing, EVERYTHING IN THE URBAN ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY... We are missing the train again?? I'll be damned if i miss this next opportunity, we are at an advantage to really make some history, but we cant, if we arent supporting the people, who are really working hard, overtime!
So if you can agree, disagree, or ignore what ive said then great, i already know who the bullshitters and the realists are, so, show me nit tell me, prove to the world that you are hot, dont tell us.
In life there are the "have and have not" people, and then then the "i dont give a fuck if i have it or not, im going to get it," people. It has taken me a long time to see, who is really about that action and the real, and out of everyone i have came across its only been a few that have been true to their word. People in my own family, have failed to prove to me that their "dreams/aspirations/goals" are even reachable. I have ran across so many producers, that ive never heard their work that wanted to charge me more then $1 for there music, and you know what i did, i gave them the deuces. First of all who are you and what significant thing have you done to make me spend money on u where i can go to the proven producers such as Danimals, Rick Rock, Ea Ski, droop e, traxamilion... Like where did that audacity come from. Or the many artist that i have worked with or met that wanted me to get them paid shows, like hello are you serious my biggest client/success is Big Rich, why should you get paid and youve never been to KMEL or KBMB, um who are you again? Like people i cant get you paid if no one is requesting to spend there money with you. I am not a grant recipient thats handing out Free money to the starving artist.. Or how about the models, that want to get paid for their 1st amature video/photo shoot/any gig, must i even start stating the facts about height requirements, or if your an urban model body preferences?? Like who are you in general to be demanding anything, but moreover, who am i to be making all of these demands, i mean why are you listening to me in the first place. Like many people say "im real, or im as real as they come," but honestly, i have walked down the wrong path in life, i have made some very questionable aka bad decisions, i think almost all wrong ones, so i think now i can tell the difference between wrong and right. I have decided that theres only 1 way of going about life, and thats by "ALWAYS ALWAYS DOING THE RIGHT THING." Im not saying im perfect, because i still lie guilty in the way i go about my life like making sure my daughter goes outside to play everyday for at least one hour, or making sure i fold the clothes after they come out of the washer, or drinking more water then juice and soda everyday. But im trying to do better with those things and it takes time, but im dedicated to changing those bad habits. But many people i come across these days, are confused. Like how do you ever expect me to go out of my way to make something possible for you, for free? Like how do you expect me to take time out of my clients day to use their hard earned money for someone who has no interest in giving me a percentage of their check or a monthly payment. Thats bananas! If i am a dj im not going to accpet eveyones cd and play it right there on the spot because they say its good, if i did that then theres a strong possibility that i will clear the dance floor and possibly never get hired by that promoter/vendor again. As a record company co-owner, if we accepted every artist onto the label we would be bankrupt, trying to support everyone with a dreams, dream. So as a dj, radio/tv pd, record label executive, manager, producer, photographer, videographer, engineer, publicist, assistant, artist (with a real dedication), if we accepted everyones request we would all be literally dead and gone, because there would be no progress, no money, no fans to support us.
I cant express how serious this is. If you arent putting forth 25 hours a day 8 days a week, YOU WILL NEVER BE SUCCESSFUL AT ANYTHING. I swear to God, Rich and I breathe, sleep, eat, think, drink, our careers. If we dont then who will be thinking of all of these ideas opportunities. Now dont get me wrong i can only speak for me and Rich, because he explained the value of living what you want, i used to hope and pray, that my success would fall out of heaven into my lap, and the next scene im walking the red carpet as the cameras flash. But thats not how life works for ANYONE. No mater how easy you think someones ride to the top was or is, it was never that easy. Some people can make it the expressway because they came up with a great gimmick, a get fame quick scheme, but for those who will truly live off of their success, that takes hard work and complete dedication, a fatal attraction to your goal, in order to truly make it. So if your dream is to make it and your broke, you better find a hustle that will make u some quick money and put it towards your career, because you need it. And i strongly suggest that you be 1000% legit and legal because anything done in the dark will eventually come to light one day. And to those of you who have some money to spend stop being stingy, because whatever you do comes back to you and just as much as you put in is what you will get back in the end.
As i conclude in my rant, i just want you to understand, im not saying pay me hire me, to run your business, because most of you wont be able to work with me because i cant stand bullshit and i say shit i probably shouldn't have said. I have lost so many friends and acquaintances because i spoke about shit that i wasnt supposed to say. So all im saying is, spend your money on yourself, but when i say that i dont mean, go buy yourself something nice, im saying go invest in your career, go buy some dope ass beats from a hardworking producer like the ones i have stated above, go record in a well put together studio, go hire, a great manager that has a proven record, and give them 20%, go hire my production team and photographer, because they have invested $1000's into their careers, go hire a dope ass publicist that believes in your work and sees a future in your career, and knows they can maximize your potential, because of who they know + your talent, not because your money can buy the add space. Im trying to enlighten the people, like i stated on twitter before, "God didn't give me a voice to mislead his people." He gave me a second chance at life and told me to make things better. So sorry in advance to the people who think im too mean, or giving up too much information, im just doing as i was told. I refuse to purposely mislead those who want to follow and learn the way. I will never operate any business i do or work with any people who will abuse their power. I believe in making things better, its depressing to see the Bay Area's state of hip hop, r & b, modeling, producing, EVERYTHING IN THE URBAN ENTERTAINMENT CATEGORY... We are missing the train again?? I'll be damned if i miss this next opportunity, we are at an advantage to really make some history, but we cant, if we arent supporting the people, who are really working hard, overtime!
So if you can agree, disagree, or ignore what ive said then great, i already know who the bullshitters and the realists are, so, show me nit tell me, prove to the world that you are hot, dont tell us.
Monday, October 12, 2009
"What do i want?"
So I just watched "The women," and I regret not seeing it sooner. It clearly spoke to my personal situations, and in every sense it gave me confirmation, that I AM making the right decisions. A year ago Rich cheated on me and frankly, I never thought it would happen. As stated before in my previous entry, he changed my life for the GREAT. He showed me the world, and taught me so much about many things I am doing & know now. Honestly, I am more successful because of him cheating. His mistake opened his eyes, he realized that 1 selfish decision could cost him everything he worked hard for 4 years and was at the verge of slipping through his fingers forever. And that selfish decision was something I was going to have to make for myself. A question I took away from the movie was " What do I want?" As soon as I heard it and watched Meg Ryan's character go through her transformation of finding herself, I realized I've been going through mine. A year later literally, I know that I do want to be with Rich and be happy with him. He's done any and everything to work it out with me even after a year of bitterness and rejection from me. He taught me a lesson, instead of looking at him as the one who broke my heart, I look at him as the one who made me deal with the wounds. I can now go through the day and be happy with him and finding myself with no more room to hate him. He made me realize what I wanted for myself, in regards to my career, my family life, and my personal life. But don't get me wrong I don't have all of the answers yet, but im much more closer to them then I have ever been. I want to be with him, because through it all he's the only person in my life I have fought within myself to be with and I could never picture my life without him (unless he would do the unspeakable). So im sure of that. As far as my career went I've been sure about it, but I wasn't certain I was making the right strides, but as the doors continuously open, I know that im at the right place at the right time. Personally, "what do I want?" im still working on that. I want happiness, love, and success, but achieving it is a challenge within itself. The one thing I love about myself is that im determined to learn and make a way out of no way. I can thank my parents, for forcing me to learn that, going broke just to ensure a good education, left me with little to work with but my imagination, books, paper, and a pen.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
How I became...
So i know i promised myself that i would take out time for myself at least once a week, but as my life allows it, I've been swamped, with many more tasks, family life, work life, and my constant social life. But now that we are back here together i might as well explain how i became me.
4 years ago almost to this day, i met the person who changed my everything around, Rich. We met and we fell hard, being wrapped up in his mind and heart i learned the value of me, where i stand in life, and how my outlook should remain. He showed me that no matter what i been through that i was still a queen, a woman so powerful, who couldn't recognize her own strengths. Now i have always had a mind for business, even when i didn't know it. I can recount to the days before i was a teen, where i would write extensive papers about conferences that i wanted to produce, my brain held many of ideas to make life better for youth. Many times i would show the adults a neatly polished breakdown of my ideas, and was told, your just a kid you don't even know what your talking about. So i put it to the side, and focused on the unnecessary things.
As the years have gone by, my passion grew weak and my curiosity grew strong. I went with the wind i wanted to be the silliest things from a guitarist to a forensic scientist. But the paths i actually walked on, definitely were meant to be taken from a teacher, to youth program coordinator, and now they have led me to this place. Here...
In 2007 right after i be came pregnant with my daughter, i decided i wanted to do event planning, dreaming about our wedding day and planning a lavish baby shower i was convinced this is what would make me happy. After her birth faced a lot of trials battling post partum depression (which im still dealing with), heart failure (ive had to undergo heart procedures & its still not better), and troubles in my relationship, things had to change.
We started working through our problems, because we've learned life is too precious to waste, and at the end of the day all we had was each other, no matter how much we hated each other. So he brought me along his journey of putting out his 2nd album completely independently, and i naturally gravitated towards event planning. As i became more familiar with it, i learned about sponsorships for our events, where we would be paid to market peoples product. Two weeks out from our first event we received a sponsorship, from a company, who gave us financial and in kind givings that would help with the event. I was amazed of the reaction we received from the audience when we played the commercial branded with the product. I was amazed, and decided that i wanted to find a way to get paid to display a product. This is how i found out about marketing and public relations. Studying all of the things around me in the music industry, everything started to fall into place. Rich is in the public eye and in order for a brand to be heard they needed someone who is admired by many (celebrity) to endorse the product. To make this ever so long story short, i found my niche, and it still has me hooked. I am focused in a fast paced life. My goals are clear, and my heart is honest. As long as i want it i will forever chase it. Rich, is my better half, and without our journey i think i would still be lost and confused, trying to figure my way.
4 years ago almost to this day, i met the person who changed my everything around, Rich. We met and we fell hard, being wrapped up in his mind and heart i learned the value of me, where i stand in life, and how my outlook should remain. He showed me that no matter what i been through that i was still a queen, a woman so powerful, who couldn't recognize her own strengths. Now i have always had a mind for business, even when i didn't know it. I can recount to the days before i was a teen, where i would write extensive papers about conferences that i wanted to produce, my brain held many of ideas to make life better for youth. Many times i would show the adults a neatly polished breakdown of my ideas, and was told, your just a kid you don't even know what your talking about. So i put it to the side, and focused on the unnecessary things.
As the years have gone by, my passion grew weak and my curiosity grew strong. I went with the wind i wanted to be the silliest things from a guitarist to a forensic scientist. But the paths i actually walked on, definitely were meant to be taken from a teacher, to youth program coordinator, and now they have led me to this place. Here...
In 2007 right after i be came pregnant with my daughter, i decided i wanted to do event planning, dreaming about our wedding day and planning a lavish baby shower i was convinced this is what would make me happy. After her birth faced a lot of trials battling post partum depression (which im still dealing with), heart failure (ive had to undergo heart procedures & its still not better), and troubles in my relationship, things had to change.
We started working through our problems, because we've learned life is too precious to waste, and at the end of the day all we had was each other, no matter how much we hated each other. So he brought me along his journey of putting out his 2nd album completely independently, and i naturally gravitated towards event planning. As i became more familiar with it, i learned about sponsorships for our events, where we would be paid to market peoples product. Two weeks out from our first event we received a sponsorship, from a company, who gave us financial and in kind givings that would help with the event. I was amazed of the reaction we received from the audience when we played the commercial branded with the product. I was amazed, and decided that i wanted to find a way to get paid to display a product. This is how i found out about marketing and public relations. Studying all of the things around me in the music industry, everything started to fall into place. Rich is in the public eye and in order for a brand to be heard they needed someone who is admired by many (celebrity) to endorse the product. To make this ever so long story short, i found my niche, and it still has me hooked. I am focused in a fast paced life. My goals are clear, and my heart is honest. As long as i want it i will forever chase it. Rich, is my better half, and without our journey i think i would still be lost and confused, trying to figure my way.
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Why would you care?
So a few days ago my fiance, told me that i should start a blog, so i could find another place to share my feelings. I really dont know much about blogs i dont follow anyones blog and im not interested in having a big following, on this 1. but maybe 1 day, someone will take out the time in their day to read this, and relate to what i go trough on a daily basis. Who knows. o i guess i will start off with who i am and what and where i come from.
My name is Danielle Banks, i am 25 years old. I was born and raised in San Francisco, Ca. I have a 20 month old daughter name Bianca. Her father whoms my fiance is Richard Bougere Jr. They are truly the loves of my life, and clearly my reasons for living. I have been through so much in my life that i thought i would never make it through, but thanks to God i have. Sometimes i wonder how much of is giving too much. If it was up 2 me and my i dont give a fuck anymore attitude everyone would know my life story. But now that i have a fiance whos career lives on a reputation for his sake and o guess my families sake ill save them the embarrassment. To make a long story short i grew up in a very strict household where i couldnt do shit, and the moment i learned how to lie and be a true rebellious teenager i did. I was raised in the church (my dad is currently a pastor) i was forbidden to any and everything any normal child could do. Being raised in fear of asking to go play outside, has led me to a life of being passive. I have been mistreated, used abused, mislead, betrayed by my own family and so called friends, i was pretty much left out to die. But through it all i still made it, im not a druggie, nor an alcholic, but damn near was close, but i was addicted to love and being loved. Fell for love in all the wrong ways, and have been deeply damaged by its hurts. But i met Rich and he helped find the value i once used to have for myself, he taught me about self worth and helped me find my potential. I grew with him and i still am growing.
I have finally came to a point in my life where i am now somewhat content with where im going, but still find myself puzzled to how i am going to get there. So this blog will be my journey to wherever He wants me to be. I will cry my heart out, boast about my accomplishments, humbly express my achievements, I will most definitely bring you on my emotional roller coaster called my life. So this is my outlet. feel free to say what you want, but if you cant handle anything then dont be here, because i refuse to be responsible for my actions here, for where else can I be free, not even in my head. This is my release my new sanctuary until i start to figure out my life and its daily trails.
Welcome to my life welcome to my mind, my soul, my heart, for i know not where this will go. Welcome...
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